Category: Dating and Relationships
I was having a conversation with someone recently about a relationship he's sort of been having. he said that the girl in question had said those three words "I love you", and he had felt unable to say it back. Not necessarily because he didn't feel that way, but that he wasn't sure if he had mistaken the deep feelings of intense caring and emotion for love. And he felt that, if he said the words, and the relationship didn't last, that it would be a betrayal. I pointed out that if you feel it at the time, then it's only natural to want to say it, in my view anyway. so what do you peeps think? do people just say it sometimes? have you ever said it back because you know not saying it back might hurt the other's feelings? even subconsciously, or should you be absolutely 100% sure that you love that person before you commit to saying those three words. After all, love takes on many forms doesn't it?
Wow, deep topic ... I absolutely know there have been times when I just said the words back, not often, but it's happened. I think there's also a very marked difference between nations as far as the use of "love" goes. E.g. at least in Charlotte and NC in general you hear people end all conversations even to their family with "love you" (note the absence of the I, it's important) even if they've been arguing the entire conversation. I find that a little strange, I never say love you to my family, not because I don't but because it's a thing we don't do in Iceland at least, we know it, we don't have to say it, not unless there's a very special occasion.
And there are so many kinds of love and I think we use the word love for a vast array of emotions and the word can even mean different types of emotions to different people, to make things more complicated.
Basically, to me, if I am very close with friends and they are having a hard time I write "love ya" which I feel is the friend version of "I love you" meaning it's not meant physically or romantically but as a sign tat I'm here and I care and I'm willing to do most things to make that person happy again. I do this invariably with female friends cause guys just don't talk like that, well, at least not my guy friends and I call that up-tight.
I also sometimes sign the word "love" and it has the same meaning, it's a sign you feel something for that person but, to me, it's not the same as the famous 3 word phrase, the meaning is slightly different. Then again this is just my personal system and I assume me and my friends have an implicit understanding of it.
I think there are times when you are so overfilled with romance and emotions that "I love you" is exactly the only phrase that can describe that, those are awesome times and they don't happen every day, evenif you are in an amazing relationship, those are the special moments and that's what the phrase, in my mind, is really meant for, I think people tend to over use it a little bit but I also think hearing those words from your partner is nice as youhead off to work or you've had a hard day and it doesn't have to mean he or she is feeling over emotional,.
So, complicated issue :) I'll try and outline my stand on this a little better when I've consumed some caffeine.
cheers
-B
In my opinion, never, ever, say it to someone unless you're sure! If you're not sure about whether or not you feel that deep love for a person, you should never say it! Empty words don't do anyone good afterall! and that's all those words would be if there wasn't the feeling behind them. Completely, and totally empty!
Saying the "three words" is a big step! So, make sure that you know what you're getting in to! Otherwise, you could e in for a fall, or if you're not sure, the one who said it to you is in for a fall...
I have said and meant it at the time but problem was I found myself for some reason the centre of attention and as sincere as I tried to be the individuals concerned, I could't commit for fear of losing my freedom to experiment so for a while I was a complete cad...now I would never say it without sincerity and for the majority of Scotsman to say I love you is a major trial...however I feel no embarassment about saying those words to my lover, brother and our family members
i couldnt say it unless i meant it. whats the point in saying so if you dont really and truly mean it, if you dont feel it in your heart?
Love4all...there may be extenuating circumstances that would cause you to say I love you in a moment of panic, lust or confusion, also when your a teenager, your hormones are often in charge of your mouth and/or brain
I only will say the three words when I am very sure that I am in to it with the person. I will never just say the three word for the sake of saying. And also why should we say it when we don't even mean it but just want to say for the sake of saying? What will we get in return?
Cilbot, eehm, we might get the physical attention that we want, sexual fulfilment, seeing the person we say it to smile and be happy, even if it's just for the moment, one may have strong feelings for someone without necessarily being sure it's love, one can be pretty sure but there is no strict definition.
I'm not saying that using those 3 words under those circumstances is something one should do but there is a lot of reasons (good and bad, selfish or otherwise) that can cause you to say those words even if you're not sure e.g. what if someone told you they love you so so much but you don't feel the same way, would you say thator would you be tempted to make them feel appreciated and loved and say that you love them too?
Would you really say "that's so sweet but I don't love you in the same way" .. that's what you should say but when put on the spot would you react that way?
Just quetions for thought
cheers
-B
yes, if a person loved me, and i didnt return those feelings, im not gonna lie and say i love them just to hear myself say it. if someone doesnt love me, i wouldnt want them saying so, theyve gotta really mean it.
In the way we're looking at it here, I for one would want to be very sure before I said that. However, I've always been rather cautios about such things. And some on here have made good points about the word love having different meanings. A good example of this I always think of is the Greeks had 4 words for our one word love. I have a feeling it's a shortcoming of the English language.
agree with you SB. In my short-lived LDR, I use to say it because I felt it at the time, otherwise I sooo wouldn't have said it. I never wanted to lead him on and that, I can safely say I never did. We are still great friends and though he says it to me, I just can't say it back. In actual fact, i love him as the good friend he's been for years, but I think at this stage he is still nieve and may mistake the meaning. .. It can get hard though.
I never say "I love you" Unless I mean it. I have had those say it to me, and I didn't say it back. When they asked me, "why aren't you saying anything back?" I simply say, "I can't express feelings that arent there. Lying would only make things worse." I never lead a man on. I'm not that way, and those are verry serious words, not to be said or taken lightly. Don't say it, unless you mean it.
good call TIM .. it just pushes me away when these ppl just expect you to echo it back. maybe they can't figure out the tru meaning themselves otherwise they'd totally give in and understand why you don't say it back!
Well, that is a great topic, and it makes me wonder. There are times when I wish I could say it because I feel the same way, but can't bring myself to do it. For example, I can't even see myself saying ti to someone I really love, and I don't know why. Whether it's because I've never loved someone before or I'm just to shy to express my love, I really don't know. I believe that it could bring two people closer together if someone told the other person that they loved them and the other person said that it was too early, if yall get my meaning.
yeah kinda .. but ya know, if you can't say it, write it down in an email. that's another way of getting you use to it while still getting that special message across to him/her.
or write them a note explaining why you can't say I love you, but that you wish you could, it will go along way
..I wonder also if a child brought up in a stable loving home where those 3 words were said without awkwardness,or embarrassment, have an easier time when it comes to saying I love you,than a child who has never heard their parents say it, or known love....
yep good point there Goblin. believe it or not though, I lived in a home where my parents would say it to me all the time and of course express it through hugs, but you know, I have such a hard time saying it to them! I don't know why but I can never say it, nor be affectionate back. It's been a worry/concern for my parents. Yet I could be all over someone else externally who I love! crazy huh?!
I agree that you should not say it if you don't nean it. and there will be a reason if you say it.
I once had an internet relationship. Then, I called him once. NOw via internet, we always said "i love you", but whenever we were on the phone, somehow the words wouldn't come out. I totally know how that feels. Maybe for that guy you talked to, SB, it would be easier if he would write to her, saying that he loved her. Mayybe it would really be easier than saying it.
well lots of interesting responses ... It is true there are lots of different types of love, and the way in which you express that is different. in all those instances. Love you, is a very tipicle way to talk to maybe a close friend, even a member of your family, the three words, I love you, is something which I would only say to someone who I felt that strongly about. It's true it's easier to write these things than to say them sometimes, but I do think that if you can write it, then you should be able to say it, otherwise it's meaningless. Again in the case of friends, it is common for me to put, say, hugs, at the bottom of an email, even kisses, so i might sign off my email .. hugs claire xx Although actually there are only a couple of friends who I put that to on emails. As for love, it has to be a very, very special person in my life to put love at the bottom of an email, and actually, there is only one person whose emails I write that on.
But let's take the topic a bit further then. so you all feel you could not say it back if you didn't feel it, however, if you did feel it and you said those three word to someone, how would it make you feel if they didn't say it back?
Of course it would make anyone feel awful not having their feelings reciprcated! I think that many people can say I love you and mean it in a certain way and the other person will take it as they want to, even if it is not meant in the same way it was recieved.
I just called, to say, I love you, grin!
Hmmm, tricky one. I think you would only say I love you to someone if you were pretty certain or at least hopeful that they would feelthe same way you do and would say it back. If you didn't believe that and they said "I love you" well then you couldn't help wonder if they are not just repeating the words back to you to make sure you're feeling ok. So, in a way, it's almost more special if the words are not said right away evenif it makes you feel awkward at that moment. I think just a tight embraceor some other way of acknowledging how much those words mean to the other person can be quite sufficient, definitely better than a conditioned "I love you too" response, and then when the person feels it and it's time for him/her to express those feelings then that person will say the words, you cn't forceit it has to happen naturally. :)
Yeah, you would say "love you" to a friend but really "i love you" only to the one you truely love.
Saying "i love you" is a hard thing to do. i never joke around with this word. in my past relationship, i said it because i mean it. and he replied the same way cause we were both feeling the same way at that time. Now were no longer together but were still good friends. i just dont know if those words still mean something to him till now.
I never joke around with these words either.
it's what the words meant at the time that counts. after all, feelings can change, but just because you don't love someone now doesn't mean you didn't love them once.
I totally agree with that, Sugar Baby.
I think people should say it if they truly see eye in values.